Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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