Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
