even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
