I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
