All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
