All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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