what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
