does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
