oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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