Sponge bath it is.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
