At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
