i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I look better un-naked...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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