your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Blood and glitter go together right?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
