i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
