i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
