My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize