apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
