he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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