first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
