THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
