Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
