note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize