Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
