So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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