dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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