My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
