It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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