Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
nutella sex= disaster
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
