u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
