You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
