peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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