does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i wish my penis had a tongue
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
