I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
