He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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