You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
