Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
