in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
