if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
