..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
