I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
