I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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