i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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