I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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