weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
