Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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