i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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