i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
