Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize