She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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