k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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