Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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