three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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