Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
