Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
