Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
