He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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