I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
