i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
