Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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