i think i have herpe
just one?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
