Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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