I think I am morally bankrupt
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
