it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Barsexuality is the new black.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
