this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
