The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
