We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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