just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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